The Perfectionism Trap: Why Good Enough is Better Than Perfect
Have you ever set impossibly high standards for yourself, only to feel crushed when you don’t meet them? Do you procrastinate because you fear your work won’t be “good enough”? Or maybe you’re constantly worried about how others see you, feeling like you’ll never measure up? If so, you’re not alone. Perfectionism is on the rise, and its toll on mental health is very real.
Inspired by Dr. Thomas Curran’s groundbreaking work on perfectionism, this post explores what perfectionism really is, why it’s increasing, and how we can break free from its grip to lead healthier, more fulfilling lives.
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is more than just “having high standards.” It’s a persistent, self-critical drive to achieve an unattainable version of “perfect.” Psychologists describe three key types of perfectionism:
Self-Oriented Perfectionism: Holding excessively high expectations for yourself, such as, “Everything I do has to be perfect.”
Socially Prescribed Perfectionism: Feeling that others expect you to be perfect. For example, “If I don’t meet everyone’s expectations, they’ll think less of me.”
Other-Oriented Perfectionism: Expecting perfection from others, leading to frustration and strained relationships.
While striving for excellence can be healthy, perfectionism is not about growth—it’s about fear. Fear of failure, fear of criticism, and fear of not being good enough.
How Perfectionism Interferes with Life
Perfectionism can feel like a constant, unrelenting pressure. For many, it’s paralyzing. Instead of motivating us, it leads to:
Procrastination: The fear of imperfection keeps us from starting.
Avoidance: We avoid situations where we might fail, shrinking our lives to avoid discomfort.
Burnout: Constantly striving to meet unrealistic standards is exhausting.
Anxiety and Depression: Perfectionism is strongly linked to mental health struggles, including chronic worry, rumination, and low self-worth.
For example, imagine a college student named Emma. She has a paper due next week, but she’s terrified it won’t meet her high standards. Instead of starting, she avoids it altogether, paralyzed by the fear of turning in something “imperfect.” As the deadline looms, her anxiety grows. She ends up rushing the paper last minute, feeling shame and guilt for not meeting her ideal. This cycle keeps her stuck.
Why is Perfectionism on the Rise?
Research by Dr. Curran shows that perfectionism, especially socially prescribed perfectionism, is increasing rapidly, particularly among young people. Why?
Achievement Culture: The pressure to succeed academically, professionally, and socially has never been higher.
Social Media: Constant comparisons to curated, “perfect” lives online fuel unrealistic expectations about how we should look, act, or succeed.
Parental Expectations: As opportunities become more competitive, parents—often unintentionally—pass down perfectionist pressures to their children.
In a world where worth feels tied to performance and high productivity, it’s no wonder so many of us strive for the impossible.
The Cost of Perfectionism
While perfectionism may appear to be “just high standards,” it comes at a steep cost. Even when perfectionists achieve their goals, they struggle to enjoy their success. Why? Because it’s never enough. Instead of celebrating, they focus on the next hurdle, or criticize themselves for minor imperfections.
This endless pursuit of “better” leads to chronic dissatisfaction and leaves little room for self-compassion or joy.
Evidence-Based Ways to Break Free
The good news? There’s a way out. Here are evidence-based strategies to help you let go of perfectionism and embrace the power of “good enough.”
Practice Self-Compassion
When you catch yourself being self-critical, ask, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?” Treat yourself with kindness and recognize that mistakes are part of being human.
Acknowledge your efforts, not just the outcomes.
Challenge Perfectionist Thinking
Replace thoughts like “I have to do this perfectly” with “Good enough is still progress.”
Focus on the process, not just the results. Small steps forward are still successes.
Try Behavioral Experiments
Gradually test what happens when you let go of perfection. For example:
Allow yourself to make small, intentional “mistakes” and see that the world doesn’t collapse.
You’ll likely discover that others don’t notice the imperfections nearly as much as you do.
Prioritize
Not everything needs to be perfect. Organize tasks into three categories:
High Effort: Important tasks that require diligence.
Good Enough: Tasks where progress matters more than perfection.
Done and Off the List: Minor tasks that simply need completion.
This helps you conserve energy for what truly matters.
Reframe Mistakes as Learning Opportunities
Mistakes don’t mean you’re a failure—they mean you’re growing. Journaling can help here. Write about your fears and ask, “What can I learn from this experience?”
A Way Forward: Progress, Not Perfection
Imagine a life where you felt free to try, learn, and grow without the crushing weight of perfection. Where “good enough” was truly enough.
You don’t need to abandon your goals or ambition. Instead, you can shift your focus to progress, effort, and growth, rather than flawless outcomes. As Dr. Curran reminds us, perfectionism doesn’t lead to happiness—it leads to burnout. But when we embrace imperfection, we open ourselves up to creativity, joy, and a life of meaning.
Ready to Break Free from Perfectionism?
If you recognize perfectionist patterns in your life and want support breaking free, therapy can help. At PNW Anxiety Center, we specialize in evidence-based approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and self-compassion techniques to help you challenge perfectionism.
